Book Review: HE'S SCARED, SHE'S SCARED, by Michael Carter and Julia Sokol

After writing "Men Who Can't Love" about commitment-phobia (I can never figure out if that's two words or one so I take the easy way out and use the hyphen), enough complaints about it being biased against men prompted the author(s) to do a follow-up book to fill some holes. I suspect that probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars off of the first book was another good reason for this follow-up. Let's see if the sequel is as good as the original.

This book is very similar to Men Who Can't Love and uses many interviews and studies of many men and women who have been screwed, both literally and figuratively in relationships. Some of my favorite stories include the lady who was engaged to be married, had a wedding date set, and then her fiance joined the Peace Corps and left the country two days before the wedding...without her! This is a fun, and great book once again explaining the crazy thought processes of commitment-phobes (there's that hyphen again) and how they disqualify and run away from great partners. Her Mom is fat so maybe she'll be fat - write off. I don't like the way she holds a fork - write off. She's too short, she's too rich, she's too...you name it. I've been doing it my whole life.

I liked this book a lot. It was pretty much the same as the first one, but better organized. It didn't go so much into how to fix the problem other than to recognize it, and seek a therapist! But that's fine because just reading it made me feel less crazy. I could have sworn I saw myself on many of the pages and felt comforted that I was not the only one who has acted weird. The part where he talked about how the more you love a guy the more he resents you for loving him hit a good chord with me since I went through that and began resenting the girl in the same way.

Again, I highly recommend the book, even though it is repetitive. Even though the book was supposed to address how women are also phobic, I think the author just sprinkled in a couple of female cases just to appease some critics - the book is really about how crazy we guys are. Besides, naturally speaking it's mostly us men who are programmed to spread our seed among many and in this way it's harder for many of us to make a commitment to just one person. If you liked Men Who Can't Love, you'll like this one as well.

Hopeful versus HopeLESS Romantic

Are you a hopeless romantic, yet your love life is a never-ending tragedy? Why is it that your friends who are the least romantic people you know seem to have all the luck? The answer is so obvious it may scare you. The reason you can't find love despite your strong disposition towards it is because you are a hopeless romantic! "Hopeless" means you don't have hope. Go look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me.

hope·less /ˈhoʊplɪs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hohp-lis] –adjective

1.	providing no hope; beyond optimism or hope; desperate: a hopeless case of cancer.

2.	without hope; despairing: hopeless grief.

3.	impossible to accomplish, solve, resolve, etc.: Balancing my budget is hopeless.

4.	not able to learn or act, perform, or work as desired; inadequate for the purpose: As a bridge player, you're hopeless.

Because you love the idea of romance so much, you watch the movies, cry at sad endings, and have a rich fantasy life. These things are great, but love is abundant and easy to find. It sounds nice to be labelled a "hopeless" romantic and also think yourself as one, but if you're having trouble finding a love of your life, then realize that you are what you think you are. By being hopeless all the time, you will perpetuate this state of hopelessness. It's never too late to change.

Start being a hopeful romantic. Take a break from loving those romance movies, and ladies, stop reading those romance novels. Seriously. Do you know how many over 30, single females I know who complain about not being able to meet the right guy? Talking to them I found they all had something in common - they all read romance novels. (Recently some of them are even reading romance novels about vampires, which is even more disturbing yet intriguing at the same time). No one I know who has a relationships or is able to find love easily ever reads that stuff. It skews your mind. Just take a break from it and find your inspiration in reality, not in fiction. The reality is, if you look around you, the world is filled with tonnes of loving couples, marriages and joy.

You can have love also. Stop associating with hopeless romance and ground yourself in reality of love. It's everywhere and it can't wait to come back into your life.

CD Book Review: THE SECRETS OF THE POWER OF INTENTION, by Wayne Dyer

Auuuuhhhhhhmmmm....auuuuhhhhhhhhmmm. So I thought this CD would reveal some words of wisdom which were a secret. I couldn't wait to stick this in the CD player and have my life transformed. Besides, I kind of like Dyer and the things he says, which mimic much of Hinduism and earlier teachings of the LOA. This review will be short since the CD is actually less of a discussion and more of a series of sounds.

Wayne starts off the CD discussing how in the ancient times, cultures at one with the Universe were able to manifest their desires through different sounds. Sending certain sounds out into the Universe helped attract their desires. The two main ones are "auhm" and "ohm". Basically, most of the CD is Wayne doing this humming, interjecting a nice saying about manifesting your desires in between each humm. I tried following the CD a few times and maybe I was humming a bit too much because I felt dizzy by the time I got out of my car!

There were a few good moments with some of the statements about being connected to the universe. I don't think this is one of those relaxing CDs since it requires quite a bit of effort to hummm the way Wayne does it. Also, if you listen to it in fast forward it sounds like he's having sex. For girls out there who love him maybe you'll like it? For those who are fanatical check out the CD, you might like it. Whether this stuff works or not is up to your imagination. I think I'll stick to his books for now!

Surrender Part 1 of 2

Perhaps the biggest piece of the puzzle in allowing the law of attraction to work effectively is the ability to surrender your desire to the Universe. The Secret talks of this in another way - unwavering faith exhibited by acting and believing that you already have received what you asked for. While this is a necessary component, I believe that true surrender is the real magical ingredient to manifesting what you want.

Surrender does not come easy. When so many law of attraction books discuss keeping your desires at the forefront of your mind, and just as many promote vision boards, etc., why on eart would I be talking about surrender -a nd more importantly, what the hell is "surrender" anyway?

To me, surrender means to bury your desire in your subconscious and stop thinking about it. This sounds counter-intuitive but consider the times in your life when your dreams or desires have actually come true. Consistently, when you stopped thinking about, worrying about, or ruminating about it. It is when you stop caring that suddenly the Universe starts moving in your direction.

Consider the following examples:

1. how many of us have wished they could meet a great guy or girl but never can? Finally, frustrated, you give up on your search and guess what happens? There's a reason so many people say they met their soulmate when they least expected it and had given up looking.

2. have you ever had a difficult time getting a job? You may search for months or longer and you finally get one. But guess what happens as soon as you get one? All of a sudden you start getting job opportunities and offers that you never even asked for.

I could continue with examples but there is a common denominator to the manifestation of my desires - they have all occurred when I stopedt hinking about them and focused my attention elsewhere. Ultimately, even without knowing, I had surrendered my wish and only then did the Universe do its magic and in some of the most wonderous ways that I can't begin to explain.

So how do we stop thinking about a wish and "surrender"? Tune in to part 2 for the answer to that!

Surrender Part 2 of 2

How To Surrender

Surrendering can be difficult. It's like telling someone not to think about a pink elephant. Don't think about a pink elephant. Are you not thinking about it yet? Of course you are! So how are you supposed to stop thinking about something you want? After all, it must be important to you if you want it, and if it's important to you, then you're thinking about it - probably regularly.

The irony is that although "what we think about, we bring about", what we stop thinking about, we also bring about. I have found that while thinking about things works, I am able to attract much quicker when i stop thinking. Why is there this dichotomy? it may be that thinking about something actually serves as a barrier to allowing the Universe to unfold in the way you need it. People do not realize that there is an extremely fine line between believing that something is yours and doubting that something will ever be yours.

Simply stated, when we place too much emphasis on thinking about our dream car for example, it shows insecurity and doubt that we'll receive it. If you really had your dream car you wouldn't be thinking about it anymore and would probably have moved on to wishing for something else.

The best way to "surrender" is to make your wish, then concentrate on other things, like another wish! It takes practice, especially when you may desperately need something and need it right away. But just keep wishing for other things, and keep moving on. Keep distracting yourself. Everytime a doubt enters your mind, remember all of the times your dreams did come true and renew your confidence that this one will manifest as well. But it will manifest when you surrender, and not one second sooner.

Book Review: FINDING YOUR OWN NORTH STAR, by Martha Beck

I first heard about Martha Beck after that friend of a friend of a friend who watches Oprah told me that Martha was on the show and talked about the law of attraction. In fact, not only did she talk about it, but she had several books on the subject. A sucker for LOA books, I decided to read one of her first mainstream books, Finding Your Own North Star.

This book is much more than a Law of Attraction book. It is more like a therapist-in-a-book, book. The book discusses how we already have programmed into us the things that would make us most happy and how many of us feel depressed and in despair because we are doing things that go against our true desires. Martha describes how we each have an "internal compass" and if we were to tune in to it, we would live blissfully. Babies and children have it, but as we grow up, societal norms, expectations and conditioning detach us from our internal compass. Martha writes about what to do to tune back into this internal compass, including how to heal emotional wounds. She discusses how many of us lose touch with this compass because we have emotional wounds which we don't even know about!

As we are able to tune back into our compass and follow our gut, the law of attraction will start to work wonders. I don't recall if Martha explicitly referred to is as the LOA since she wrote this book before the LOA was mainstream, but she did discuss how when you are in tune with the life you are supposed to be (ie. the life you want to live), bizarre coincidences will begin to happen which will elevate you and make you reach your goals even faster.

This is a true self-help book but more importantly it helps the reader figure out what's holding them back and what they want to do with their life. Many of us are not doing the things we desire for any number of reasons - maybe we think the profession we want wouldn't pay properly, or the partner we want wouldn't be accepted by our family. Who knows! But I can personally attest that when you block out all of the corruptive noises and just keep following the inner impulses within you (no, not the ones that say kill that guy that just cut you off on the road), strange and great things start happening in your life. The problem these days is we think and analyze too much instead of working from feeling. I recommend this book for those who feel lost or if something is missing in their life. Probably you are way off course, but don't worry, with the right work you can find you way. We all can.

Film Review: WHAT THE BLEEP DO WE KNOW?!, by William Arntz

I had heard about this flick a couple of years ago but didn't know what the !@## it was about so didn't watch it. Now that I know what What The Bleep Do We Know is about, I am glad I watched it and highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in the science behind how the law of attraction works.

The movie has an underlying story in which the protagonist is played by none other than Marlee Matlin. It follows her unhappy life as she constantly replays her ex-husband's infidelity in her mind while she struggles to get through each day, trying to figure out where she went wrong in life. This story however is overlaid with a very wide variety of interviews with physicists ranging from metaphysicians to quantum physicists to spiritual types and other medical doctors. Considering the credentials of many of them, one can assume the science they discuss has credibility. Using simple language, fun illustrations and animated graphics, one can learn the fundamentals of quantum physics and see how this science is not as scary as it sounds.

It is fascinating to see proven experiments which show that our observation of the outside world actually influences what happens at the physical level. It sounds like mumbo-jumbo, but if anyone is interested, please look up the double-slit experiment. Another amazing one was the Emoto experiments in which he wrote different words on bottles of water. The picture on the left had "you make me sick" written on the bottle, whereas the photo on the right had "love and gratitude" written. Here were what the water crystals looked like as a result:

There's no debate about whether this is true or not as it is the building blocks of quantum physics. Since the science is still in its infancy, no one understands how it works, they just know it does what it does. They have also proven that the same object can exist in two different places at the same time, seemingly destroying our limited concept of "time".

This was a great movie for those who are interested in the scientific side of The Secret (did I mention one of the main people in The Secret is also all over this film?) and I highly recommend the book as it is even better. While still a developing science, it sheds a flood-light upon how the law of attraction is something that is actually possible (and real as many have experienced). Of course, it helps that there is a short sex-scene and a hot blond bending over in a mini-skirt. While the movie is a bit long (i think it was almost two hours!), you can definitely watch it in parts. I give this one a strong recommend.

Book Review: THE SECRET OF LETTING GO, by Guy Finley

So I first borrowed this book because I thought it was about using surrender to be able to more easily attract your desires. I was wrong. However, the book was still appropriate for me at the time since I was still hanging on to old memories of what could have been. I'm glad I borrowed this book.

Guy Finley has written this book as a sort of variety show. He has chapters which include interesting short stories, such as one in which a guy spends years digging in a cave for a hidden treasure only to find that once he stops trying to find the treasure it turns up in the most unexpected place. Guy also uses a lot of one-liner lists about letting go, for example "if you knew to do something differently, you would have." He goes on to discuss how letting go is freeing and means living in the present day to day instead of getting caught up in the past with regrets. I actually enjoyed reading the book.

Interestingly though, the better I felt over time, the more depressing the book was to read! I think that's a good sign though - when a self-help book sounds depressing that usually means you've been helped and are getting better. I checked out the author's website, and he has some online videos, however if you like the way he writes, I would recommend just read the books since the mystique of who is writing this nice material adds to its credibility in some weird way.

For those of you who think they have some old baggage they need to get rid of, I moderately recommend this book. You definitely don't need to read it from front to back - it's more like one of those things you can pick up, open it up to any page and get a sample of inspiration. But I think this is a better book for those with deeper wounds from their past. It might not cure you but if you can open your heart a bit, it may help guide you towards greener pastures. And those pastures will not have cow dung in them.

Aspects of Commitment Phobia, Part 1 of 3

Commitment phobia is one of those pop-culture terms which people throw about without really understanding its meaning. More often than not, the term is one that women use to describe men who don't want to settle down with them. Often the case is that the guy has doubts about that particular person and doesn't want to hurt their feelings. Other times, the guy (or girl) may just have a difficult time deciding what to do. I write this to shed some light on commitment-phobia so that you can decide whether you have it, and also to understand that it's not necessarily a bad thing as its connotation might have you believe.

For years I struggled with making small and big decisions. It was interesting because I just thought I was over-analytical (which of course helped me do extremely well in school). I also recognized it as indecision, which it was. But throughout the years I never thought to attach the term commitment-phobia to my persona. Looking back though, I have had time to see how the indecisiveness of making small decisions lends itself to having a fear of making a commitment. The real fear is making a decision about something that you think you can't undo.

Do you have the same issue? Take a look at some of these examples to see if they sound familiar:

1. do you find yourself taking a long time to decide which restaurant to eat at? Then when you get there it takes you longer than everyone else to decide on what you want to order. Finally when you do order you call the waiter back, change your order, then regret your decision later.

2. do you prefer being on a month to month term with your cell phone because you don't want to be locked into a contract, for example, being stuck with one company for over a year?

3. are you renting a place or did you bite the bullet and buy a place? Or are you on a month to month tenancy so that you can pull out at any time? Also, do you hold off on buying any decent furniture, for years, because you figure you'll take care of all of that stuff when you finally settle down and buy a place?

4. when you make plans with someone do you find yourself only tentatively agreeing, even though you have no other plans at that time? Do you find yourself canceling those plans for no reason other than to stay home?

5. when deciding between two things, jobs or something at the supermarket do you find yourself always whittling your choices down to two things, then mulling over for a ridiculous amount of time, which one of the two you should purchase? No matter, what you choose, you always end up questioning your decision.

6. have you avoided applying for jobs because you're afraid that you might, *gasp*, actually get it?!

If any of these situations sound familiar to you, you may also be suffering from an aversion to commitment. It's not just indecision which makes these seemingly simple decisions difficult and excruciating, it actually has some roots in being afraid of committing to the wrong thing. Ultimately, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are always afraid of choosing the wrong thing. But I promise you, there aren't wrong choices for most things. So you ordered the Big Mac instead of the cheeseburger - maybe you would have enjoyed the cheeseburger more, but guess what? That wasn't the last meal of your life and next time you can order the cheeseburger.

Aspects of Commitment Phobia, part 2 of 3

Roots

In order to fix the problem, it helps to figure out where it began. When it comes to relationships, many who have a phobia of commitment often come from homes where their parents are divorced or the relationship between their parents was turbulent. For others, a tragedy during their childhood years made them subconsciously fearful of committing to something out of fear they would get hurt again. It may even be more straight-forward - they once made a bad decision which had a big impact on their life. While they may not have realized it at the time, this programmed them to question their decision making abilities for thereon in, thereby creating indecision, fear of committing to a decision and ultimately wreaking havoc in their personal and social lives.

For myself, I have had a difficult time figuring out where my indecision arose. I used to be great at making decisions and sticking to them. I come from a fairly stable home so I can't blame it on any divorce. I believe my commitment issues arose from three areas. 1) several years ago I chose one school over another to do my MBA. The experience ended up to be unpleasant and I always felt like I would have been much better off at the school that I turned down. 2) letting other people influence my decision making process, and 3) seeing friends marry and settle down with people that are probably not the greatest. So for me, over time, these things made me phobic of making wrong choices.

Take a step back from yourself and ask yourself what goes through your head every time you have to make a decision. Whose interests are you considering? Yours, your friends, society's? Also, consider that the magnitude of most of the decisions you make each day probably aren't nearly to the extent you think they are. People decide to get married, have babies and buy houses much quicker than many of you out there reading this would take to decide whether you should eat at McDonald's or Burger King. And I'm not exaggerating.

Justification

Of course we can each justify our lengthy decision making process. By being overly analytical perhaps we have avoided settling down with people that were no good for us, or turning down a job that would have made us miserable. But how many great things have we missed because we mulled it over too long? I want to tell you something from someone who is still fairly young - life is SHORT. You all know that. In the blink of an eye, ten years can pass. And while you were waiting, moaning and mulling things over, life was passing by, people were getting married, having kids and having fun. In fact some people were already getting married for a second time (and who knows, maybe a third!).

I tend to now believe that it is better to make a decision that may be wrong later, than to not make any decision at all and later fantasize about what could have been. Especially for commitment-phobes, one of our greatest assets is our fantasies, however that is also our greatest liability. Our rich fantasy life makes us always think ahead to what might be if we wait a bit longer and commit later, but in the meantime when we lose out on something good, our fantasy mind goes into overdrive wondering about how great life could have been had we made a decision.

It is never too late to change. But the first step comes with recognizing it. Too often the term commitment-phobe is thrown around and marginalized so people don't pay much attention to it. But if someone calls you that or if any of the examples above seem to fit you, take a step back and look at your life and you daily routine. Maybe you do have commitment issues that go beyond simple indecision. Perhaps you actually have a fear of committing to things.